B'nei Mitzvah Materials

The B'nei Mitzvah (BM) journey commences in religious school, where students immerse themselves in Hebrew and absorb the rich history and values of Judaism. The pivotal steps towards a child’s TNT B’nei Mitzvah are realized through: 

• The 5th grade parents’ meeting in the spring of that year 
• The 6th grade family retreat in the fall or winter of 6th grade
• The meetings with clergy that begin one year before the B’nei Mitzvah

Much activity takes place in the final year including collaboration with the Cantor on the Tikkun Olam project, prayer recitation and Torah chanting with the Clergy Associate, and with the Rabbi on their D’var Torah. 

This section of the TNT website highlights insights into the final year of the journey. Much of this material can also be found in the student’s binder which is distributed one year prior to the BM date. TNT’s goal is to ensure a comprehensive and prepared approach to this significant milestone.

As the B’nei Mitzvah date approaches, the student’s individual responsibilities begin a year prior, marked by a special email from TNT indicating that their Torah Portion awaits pickup.  Contained within a comprehensive binder, the material reflects much of the information on this webpage. From this point forward, the student takes an active role, collaborating with the clergy on the following endeavors:

Guided Judaic Learning – Clergy Associate

The Clergy Associate engages with the student in personalized, focused 15-minute virtual sessions to develop proficiency in prayer recitation, and to refine Torah and Haftarah chanting abilities. Initially, meetings are held on a monthly basis, transitioning to a weekly schedule at the six-month mark. It culminates with an in-person rehearsal for the B’nei Mitzvah Simcha. 

Tikkun Olam Project – Cantor

The Cantor will guide the student in 20-minute virtual monthly discussions on the meaning and behaviors associated with Tikkun Olam and Tikkun Middot, the essential Jewish practices of repairing the brokenness in the world and in themselves. As students begin the journey toward Jewish adulthood, they will have the opportunity to explore their experiences in everyday life through a Tikkun lens, as well as build and execute a meaningful Tikkun Olam project. 

Developing their D'var Torah – Rabbi

A year before the B’nei Mitzvah, the Rabbi will assist the student in choosing a meaningful topic for their D'var Torah. Starting three months before the big day, the Rabbi will engage in weekly 15-minute sessions, guiding the student through the writing process, ensuring a heartfelt and impactful D’var Torah.

All audio files can be found in this Google Folder: www.nertamid.org/audio

Does my family still participate on Friday night?

The B’nei Mitzvah student will lead the community in Kiddush during the Friday night Erev Shabbat service.

How do services work? How long are they?

Shabbat morning services begin at 10am and usually last an hour and 30 minutes.  As with any B’nei Mitzvah, students are assisting to lead the TNT community. Students will be reading Torah, Haftarah, and delivering their D'var Torah. Students will also be helping to lead a select number of prayers. In all cases, family members will have the ability to share a link for the ceremony on Zoom and/or YouTube for those who cannot make it in person.

Might there be others participating in the service?

Since all B’nei Mitzvah services are also our normal TNT Saturday Morning service, there may be a community member reading Torah, a baby being named, or a young couple getting a blessing. These will all be short and will only add to the spirit of the day. You will be informed of this well in advance of your ceremony.

How much of the service will my student lead?

Your student will lead certain key moments of the service (ex. V'ahavta, Avot/G’vurot). If students master their Torah, Haftarah, etc., they will be offered more sections to lead like the Ashrei prayer. Every decision of what to include will be keeping in mind the balance between the desire to showcase the B’nei Mitzvah student and the desire on the part of the broader TNT community to be led also by their clergy.

Can people participate in the service if they are not physically present?

Yes, we will be making readings and Aliyot available to those who may not be with us but who want to participate over Zoom. Please see below for the list of honors.

How does photography work?

While photography is never permitted during services, family may choose to have pictures taken that morning. The photographer is welcome anywhere outside of the Temple to take photos or inside the sanctuary. Pictures should conclude at least 30 minutes before the service to give us time to reset the room.

Who will be officiating at my service?

Each service will have a Rabbi and Cantor as well as the Clergy Associate when available.

Am I allowed to decorate the bimah with Flowers or other items?

Absolutely. While nothing is required in this regard, consider the space yours for the morning. Coordinate drop off of any flowers with our Director of Operations & Events, Laurie Schifano, at LSchifano@nertamid.org.

Do we bring wine and challah?

Yes. You can choose to pass out challah and wine/juice to your guests in the lobby or to have it as a “prop” to say the blessing at the end from the bimah. We will do the plating and pouring for you.

Can we use the social hall of a more involved Kiddush?

Yes. If you want to do something for your guests please be in touch with our Director of Operations & Events, Laurie Schifano at (lschifano@nertamid.org). If both the social hall and the adjoining rooms are used, we can usually accommodate 150 people.

Will my students be receiving gifts from the congregation?

Yes.  They will get a Kiddush cup, a Hebrew Bible, a Tzedakah Box, and a certificate. The lay leader will present that to your family the morning of the service.

Can my family add extra readings or music?

Yes.  Please be in touch with us so we can approve and figure out how it can be included.  

How do honors work?

We have created a number of supplemental honors you may wish to take advantage of. Please know you do not need to use all options available. Laurie Schifano will be in touch a few weeks before your ceremony with a sheet you can fill out with who will be doing what.

Are people receiving honors required to wear anything (kippot, tallis)?

No. As a Reform community, everything is a choice. We have kippot and tallitot to use if you choose not to bring your own.

Can we provide kippot for our guests?

Yes, just know that any kippot left in the temple will be discarded if not taken home by the guests or family. You can bring these with you when you arrive for your service to be placed near the prayer books.

Will my service be recorded?

Yes. It will be archived on YouTube after we stream. If your service is not at 10am because it is part of a double, we will not be live-streaming on YouTube and will instead record the services from zoom.

Will I be able to do a parental blessing?

Yes. This will happen after your student finishes their final Aliyah of Torah and candy is thrown.

Will I or a family member be able to read Torah if we want?

Yes. Please be in touch with us early on in the process if you want this honor.

How does Candy work?

Candy may be thrown when we sing Siman Tov, u’Mazel Tov. Families are welcome to eat it after the ceremony and outside of the sanctuary. Families should provide their own candy if they want this ritual.

At Temple Ner Tamid we are proud to be able to tailor the B'nei Mitzvah experience to children and family with diverse learning needs. Our goal is to make sure that every student feels comfortable and confident on the day of their B'nei Mitzvah. To ensure this, we make every effort to modify the ceremony and preparation to fit these students' needs. This includes adjusting our approach to and timing of tutoring, modifying the amount of Hebrew, and sometimes shifting the timing and setting of the ceremony. If you think your student would benefit from a more tailored approach, please reach out to Rabbi Katz to strategize.